EPISODE 3 – KNOWING HOW TO PURSUE.

In our previous episode, I addressed the ladies on how to become pursuable. In this episode, I will be addressing the men. I am specifically talking to the good guys and the laid-back guys, the play boys don’t need my advice except to change their filthy ways.

So, let’s get right into it. So many good guys find themselves single for so long but the play boys are always so forward and quick to take attention away from the good and laid-back guys.

Here are some tips on how to pursue a good woman;

1. 1      BE COURAGEOUS – When you see a girl who you like, don't be timid, go and say hello. Forget about if she would look down on you or if she would be sassy, the real question should be what if she becomes a really great friend? What if she ends up being my wife? Do not approach her like someone who is unsure of himself. Say hi to her, give her a compliment and spark off a conversation. Here is the best way to look at it, it’s either you allow the fear of rejection eat away at you and paralyze you, or you tell yourself the worst thing that can happen is she would ignore me and tell me no. getting rejected is part of life, but that should not stop you from putting yourself out there. I once heard someone say “the patient dog eats the fattest bone”, then someone else replied “yes but not in a hundred-meter race”. It is good to be patient, but it is also good to go for what you want in good time, because if you don't, the play boy would be there to take her attention, waste her time and leave her sad and dejected. So good guy your courage is also another way of saving someone from potential heart break. Sometimes your courage would earn you a wife, or a friend. Being timid is an unattractive trait and it makes you look as if you are unsure of yourself. You have a lot to offer but you are second guessing yourself, meanwhile the play boy has so much confidence and all he has to offer is heart break. The play boy has so much confidence, and that confidence makes him appear as if he knows what he wants and can handle being with a woman. The funny thing is women keep falling for the playboy repeatedly because he is confident. So good guys, if no one has told you, take it from me you are the real deal and the right woman will appreciate you. Do not be scared to put yourself out there even if your heart has been broken in the past.

This issue of courage is one that cannot be over emphasized, for those who have no idea what courage is, it is the strategy marketers use to convince you to purchase a product, they put their best foot forward. Imagine a marketer approaching you and sounding like they mistakenly appeared in front of you and do not know what to say. You would become irritated. Play boys invest a lot of time in their game and how to walk up to a girl, and what to say to her. Their work usually pays off in the short run, the good guys leave things to chance and end up pissing girls off. Do not be too humble, look straight at her when you are talking to her, think of conversation starters and try to carry the conversation, crack some jokes if you can. The first step is to make her curious about you. This would mean she has picked interest and would be happy to talk some more and get to know you better. You can be reserved and courageous, you do not have to change into someone you are not. My husband is generally an introvert, and we were friends for a while, I knew he was a good guy, but he was always confident and courageous. After being distant friends for some years, our friendship changed in 2014, we became closer and it was kind of obvious we were beginning to like each other, I kept waiting for him to ask me out officially but he didn’t. You know good guys always try not to be too forward, so one day I told him I was at the mall and someone tried to ask me out and I really did not know how to reply. I knew we liked each other but nothing was defined and I did not want to assume anything and get my heart broken, so I asked him what should my response be if I find myself in such a situation again? I cannot remember exactly what he said but it was now clear that I was his girlfriend and he was, my boyfriend. The reason I was patient enough to do this was because we were friends for a long time and when we became closer, I realized he was my ideal man, in fact I nick named him “Mr. too good to be true” because I had no Idea such a man could exist.

So, I would tell the good guys to be confident and do not wait till the girl is tired. Shoot your shot, stop allowing the play boys mess things up. And ladies, for those of you who have been hurt, stop going back to the same type of guys who hurt you. Sweet words are just that, a man’s actions should be more important than whatever comes out of his mouth. So, if you meet a good guy and for some unspoken reason he is being shy or overly patient, help him out. Do not ask him out, but ask him about the situation and let him respond.  All in all, courage is not the absence of fear, but it is forging ahead despite being afraid of the uncertain outcome. Now that you have the courage to talk to her, you need to make sure you come correct.

1. 2)      HOW TO PACKAGE YOURSELF – Just like I told the ladies in the previous episode, it is also important for the man to look his best. Some good guys are clueless about what suits them and how to look nice. The truth is some people are not just blessed with dress sense, but the good thing is you should be willing to learn. If you even find a girl who is patient enough to teach you, be humble enough to learn.

 Comb your hair, brush your teeth, iron your clothes, have some decent shoes, use deodorant. It is a terrible thing for your breath to stink. I know this guy with really bad breath and I keep wondering, why has his family members and very close friends not told him? I have thought about telling him many times but I just try to stay a bit far when we talk. If you notice that girls are running away from you, please investigate yourself, find out if it’s a character flaw, or if it’s a hygiene flaw. You should always be willing to improve yourself even when you finally get married, do not just relax and turn into the fat potbellied man. Do all you can to remain sweet and fresh for your woman.

 

1. 3)      ARE YOU A LEADER? – Just because you are a decent man does not make you a good leader. I have come across selfish guys who believe that men are more important than women in a relationship. They believe it all starts and ends with her in a kitchen and taking care of him and his children. The leadership role is something so many men do not understand, they believe it is a tool to lord over women. But to be a true leader is to serve, and to serve in many different capacities. Since I am a Christian, I will use some biblical examples. Jesus had so many disciples but he chose to be the one to wash their feet, and when it came down to it, he died for our sins. A lot of men do not realize the severity and seriousness of the role that has been placed upon them. If you believe leading a woman and a family is a small job, you are completely clueless.

 Leadership means sacrifice and putting others first. I used to wish I was a man till my eyes were opened to what it really means to be a man. If I place someone in charge and say “lead these people”, if something goes wrong, I will hold the leader accountable. That is the same with God, if a man does not live up to the leadership role God has placed him in, he will have to give account. The truth is I cannot teach you how to be a great leader in just one post, so what I would do is give you pointers on where to look. First of all, I implore you to look into the bible and see what God expects of you as a man. Look for exemplary men and ask them questions on how their journey has been and what you should work on. As a leader, be willing to learn and unlearn, be honest about your weaknesses and strive to improve on them. Never forget that being the one God placed as the head comes with a lot more responsibilities so do not let God down, do not let yourself down, and do not let your followers down.

 

 

1. 4)      ARE YOU READY TO LOVE? – A lot of guys do not really understand the true meaning of love. They just work with their feelings. But the truth is love is a deliberate decision to give and keep on giving. The bible says for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. He gave the most important thing to him. But most times the love we claim to have is a very selfish one. So, I will recommend 1 Corinthians 13 at this juncture. Before you tell a woman you love her, give yourself this litmus test, replace the love in 1 Corinthians 13 with your name and ask yourself if you can do all that for the woman. Can you suffer long for her? would you be patient with her?  will you be willing to forgive and keep no record of wrong? When people talk about love, they approach it mostly from the part that deals with attraction. But the truth is you can become attracted to many people, you can have chemistry with many people. But love is serious work and requires sacrifice and commitment. There would be times where you are not happy with your spouse, times when you do not feel like being in love but you still have to show love and give your best.

If you know that you are not ready to love, simply maintain a platonic friendship, the world is a difficult place so try not to make it worse by breaking someone’s heart. If you know you are not ready, do not rush into a relationship as there is nothing wrong with being friends.

 

1. 5)      WHAT ARE YOU BRINGING TO THE TABLE? – I ask this because some guys are serious liabilities. If you get involved with them, your life would be difficult. I am not saying you need to get married to a millionaire but the man should understand what his responsibilities are. Before you go professing love, make sure you are ready to shoulder responsibilities. Do you have a source of income? Can you provide for a family? Are you willing to work or is your philosophy “God will provide” while you relax? Some men are even comfortable doing nothing but spending what the woman makes, some even target girls from rich homes so they do not have to work.

If you want to get married, you need to be prepared for it. Whether we like it or not, finance is very important in a relationship. Some men have more money than others. For those who do not have so much, proper planning would help you a lot. If you plan properly, you will achieve a lot. And then you can keep striving for more money.

You also need to bring maturity to the relationship. You need to be willing to let go of childish and petty habits to have a successful relationship. You must be willing to bring Trust and faithfulness to the table, you cannot expect what you are not willing to give. If you want a faithful wife or girlfriend, also bring those qualities. You must also be willing to bring respect commitment and love to the table, do not treat her anyhow you like. You must be willing to lead as I have stated earlier. If you do not have anything to offer, please leave the girl alone. I have seen useless guys asking for what they cannot offer. This life is give and take. Any quality you hope for in a partner, it is only fair that you also bring those traits forward. I have seen unfaithful men look for good women to marry, I have seen lazy men look for hard working women to marry, I have seen dishonest people say they want an honest person. All these things I am saying also applies to the women. You find lazy women looking for rich men to cater to them and sponsor their extravagant life style, dishonest ladies wanting honest men etc.

Fit and proper men (women) who genuinely have a lot to bring to the table also need to be careful because they will attract both good and bad women (men). You will have to observe people patiently and make a wise decision. If you have all these qualities, please do not waste time on ladies who do not understand the value of these qualities. For some ladies, all that matters to them is money, money, money! It is when they get married that their eyes will be open, that is when they would be wishing for faithfulness, commitment, asking him to be more present and involved etc.  It would be really foolish of you to be talking of marriage when you are not bringing anything to the table. Even if she marries you by some miracle, in the marriage she will start demanding for more. So, if you do not have anything to bring to the table, keep working on yourself and developing yourself. Become the person you would be attracted to if you were a lady.

 

1. 6)    ASK GOD FOR DIRECTION – At every stage of your life you need God. How can you truly know what is in the heart of others? A woman can pretend to be what you are looking for (vice versa). You need to pray and tell God to reveal the heart of this person to you so that you can make an informed decision. You may make mistakes, you may even get your heart broken, but with God on your side, you will eventually end up with the best partner.

MR OR MRS ROMANTIC??? EPISODE 2

 

1)  5) Mouth odor- I spoke about looking good and smelling good. Some ladies are not conscious of their breath and this can be a turn off. Bad breath is not limited to just the odour that comes out of your mouth in this context. It also includes the type of things you say. The average man loves to be respected, if you treat a man with respect, he naturally becomes attracted to you. If a man feels like he is being disrespected the attraction is lost. This one is actually a very difficult one because we women are quick to snap sometimes, but to be attractive we have to master the act of being respectful. I struggled with this one also but eventually I learned that I do not have to feel like being respectful to give respect. I am in control of my feelings. I got so good at keeping quiet when I am upset that it became a problem. I am now learning how to communicate when I feel disrespected without losing my temper or being disrespectful in the process. My dear sisters no be small work oh but it is worth it.
 
6)     Have a life- I have noticed that men in our generation are attracted to women who are not too needy. When you are too clingy and overly needy a man would become weary of you. Do not pretend to be busy just because you want to get his attention that would not last. Do not dump and abandon your friends and your life just because you are in love. Have a full life, read books, watch movies, go out with your friends, do not be readily available. If the man realizes that the only thing you have going is him that can become a burden to him. Be loving and sweet  but have a life. I remember telling my husband before we got married, I can live without you oh, but I choose not to. I have never believed those people who profess love by saying I can’t live without you, that is a blatant lie if you ask me. I remember how fast my ex moved on after me, it made me realize that people can live without each other. Sometimes a relationship may not work out and if that was the only thing you had going on, it would be terrible. So while you work on attracting the right man, also keep working on developing yourself. An intelligent, hardworking and diligent woman is a very attractive woman. After a while, even men who want a woman who they can lord over start complaining about her being always home and readily available.
 
7)      Be confident- Confidence is such an attractive trait. Do not be arrogant or rude but just know that you are enough. Yes keep working on yourself and becoming the best version of you that you can be. But also do not be intimidated by others and what they have. The truth is in life we all have something unique to bring to the table. You may not have the best figure, but you may have the cutest face, or the best intellect, or the ability to manage situations well. Remember not to down play yourself. People will treat you the way you treat yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin. I have seen people compare their weaknesses to other peoples strengths. This is not good because you would end up feeling inadequate. I have friends who are extremely intelligent but are not good at maybe singing or dancing. When they see me dancing I expect them to clear the way and allow me show myself, and when I see them thriving in the academic field I should cheer them up. My late sister was super gifted in school and for a very long time I felt inadequate because people kept comparing me to her. It was not like I wasn’t smart, I just did not like school and I was always too restless to sit in one spot studying for hours. I preferred things like dancing, acting, speaking and the likes. When I realized that I needed better grades, I went to her for help and my grades improved seriously. I never really got the grades she got but I did better. And my confidence in my intellect improved. Do not look down on yourself, keep working on yourself and remember that there are certain talents and strengths that are exclusive to you.
 
8)    Always be ready- This is the last point. You never know who you will run into so always put your best foot forward. My single ladies, please capitalize on these tips. Do not forget that there is nothing wrong with approaching a guy and being friendly, just don’t be too obvious, let him pick up the signal. If you start becoming so close and he is not still saying anything, you can politely ask what he wants out of the friendship so you do not give yourself false hopes. With these tips, I believe you can pursue a man till he catches you *wink*. With these traits you would actually become very attractive and all sorts of guys may come your way, bring out your sieve and politely turn down those you cannot work with. Even as a married woman you have to remain pursuable to your husband. You do this by flexing your feminine muscle and then you set off the man’s mumu button and then you leave him to finish off the chase by catching you. He would end up feeling like he came after you but deep down, you know you gave him the green light.  This method that I am giving you is the one Ruth in the bible used to bag Boaz, it is also the same trick Esther used to get the king. The good news is that every woman has that feminine quality that is God given, she just needs to learn how to use it the right way.

 

 

 

 

 

MR OR MRS ROMANTIC??? EPISODE 1

 I have heard so many ladies complaining about how their man or husband is no longer romantic and this is usually a bother to them. So I decided to start off with this topic. I have also heard ladies saying men do not like to come out and ask a woman out any more.

I am of the opinion that a man should pursue a woman, but I also believe women should make themselves pursuable and keep themselves pursuable. I believe a man should ask a woman out and pursue her, but the truth is from what I have noticed, most of the really good and faithful men in my opinion are not as romantic as the play boys. This is not to say that every man that is romantic is a play boy.  There is romance that is genuine and there is romance that is targeted at exploiting a woman.

 

Most women are drawn to what they hear and so a lot of times, they fall for the play boy just to realize that sweet words sometimes are just that. It sometimes takes getting your heart broken  to realize that romance and sweet words Is not all that there is to life. So while I personally believe that a man should pursue a woman, I also believe that a woman must make herself pursuable and also reciprocate at the right time so that the love is mutual and has a fertile ground to grow.

 

I have seen so many amazing women stay single or end up in terrible relationships and I have seen really nice guys end up single longer than they want or even end up with a poor choice in a woman simply because they do not know what to look out for. Some of the men do not know how to be romantic and some of the women do not know how to make themselves pursuable. So to avoid making this post very long, I am going to turn this into a series where we can take it piece by piece so we do not miss out on any important details. It is my prayer that at the end of the series, a lot of amazing relationships would be formed and a lot of marriages would be revived.  

 

                         EPISODE 1 -  BECOMING PURSUABLE!

Like I said in the introductory post, I have seen so many amazing women who keep getting bypassed by nice guys, and I have seen a lot of ladies falling for fake romance so I will dive right in on what I believe ladies need to do. You can actually start off the romance with the tips below.

    1. Be friendly- I believe so many women believe that a guy must come up to them and tell them that he likes them. Play boys are usually very bold and do not have a hard time approaching a woman. But most of the good guys are usually not that forward. So what I will tell ladies is that you need to be friendly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with starting a conversation. This is what I call lifting your antenna, if the gentle man is smart, he should pick up the signal and take it from there since you have made it easier for him. If he refuses to catch the signal please and please move on, you do not want to keep pursuing the man, if you pursue him and finally catch him, you may have to keep pursuing him forever. So be friendly, smile, be polite and respectful this method is tried and tested. I believe this is the first step in making yourself pursuable

2.    Always look and smell good- I have seen a lot of ladies who are clueless about this simple trick. They believe beauty is on the inside but they forget that men cannot read their hearts. A man does not look at you and see what is in your heart, he notices your appearance first. If you do not look inviting, he will not be invited. And if you manage to look decent and he comes close but you smell like sweat that may be a put off. Be you single or married, as a woman you need to know that you have to keep yourself looking good and smelling good. Do not forget that he is attracted first and foremost to your outward appearance. I Suggest that every woman invest in  a very nice perfume, deodorant and in making your skin look good. Use products that won’t damage the integrity of your natural skin but would give you a natural glow.
 
3.      know what style suits you - I understand that some women are naturally stylish and know how to make themselves look good, but I have also seen ladies who do not know what suits them and end up dressing poorly. A lot of very spiritual women don’t have style. I do not understand it. And sometimes married women just forget themselves after having children. For the unmarried women who do not know how to style themselves, look around for a lady who always gets admired and ask for tips. Go online and do some research about what type of clothes suits women with your figure. The fact that you love Jesus and are super dedicated to him would not make you attractive, you need to work on your appearance dear sister. I have heard of instances where the pastor bypassed all the sisters and went and married one hot Deborah who is on fire for God and is also stylish and attractive. Balance is key in life! Remember in the parable there were five wise virgins and five foolish ones, they were all virgins alright, but only five of them were wise. Know what hairstyles suits you and how to play to your strengths when it comes to your physique. Sometimes I get a little bit angry with women who refuse to up their style game. If you have any male friends, just check out who attracts them. Explore if you like makeup and if it suits you, remember that moderation is always key Use makeup but do not become too addicted to it so that you do not lose your confidence. There are women who look better with make up and there are those who do not need it, find out where you belong.
 
4.     Be classy- Classy women are women who know how to conduct themselves. They know how to act and are not rude. To be honest it took me getting corrected a lot to become classy and I am still working on being even more classy. I have seen women who are rude, I remember while I was still in secondary school, a lot of people told me I was rude and I did not believe it. So I started a personal survey asking people if they thought I was rude, I assured them they could be honest with me and I got very helpful feedback. Some people told me insulted people a whole lot when I am angry, some said I was always frowning and  very defensive and turned the most little thing into a fight, some told me I interrupt without listening. The truth is I did not like smiling because I felt I looked better when I frowned, I was gossiped about a lot so I was always ready to snap at people and sometimes the wrong people were snapped at. I insulted people when I was angry because I believed it would let them know I was not to be messed with. But I realized all these people could not be wrong, I had a sharp tongue and it needed adjustment. To be honest making changes took me time, help from family and friends, and eventually when I began to have my own relationship with God. I had to be broken and remolded. One thing I have noticed is that most of the ladies who are not classy do not have an idea about it, and when they are told, they feel insulted and are not really willing to learn.  For those women who are like me with strong personalities it can be difficult learning to be classy and gentle. But I realized that this quality makes a woman very attractive. When you combine being classy and being friendly you would be so happy with the results. A classy woman does not look down on people, she is polite and if for some reason she realizes she has been rude, she goes back to apologize.
 

ROSE OF SHARON: CHRONICLES OF A NEWWIFE ...

ROSE OF SHARON:
                         CHRONICLES OF A NEWWIFE ...:                           CHRONICLES OF A NEW WIFE EPS 1  I remember studying really hard for the bar final exams. George (my husba...

                         CHRONICLES OF A NEW WIFE EPS 1 

I remember studying really hard for the bar final exams. George (my husband) told me he would want us to get married in December 2017 when I would have been done with law school. He wanted me to finish school before we dive into our marital journey. And I made up my mind that I was not going to fail any exam. I did not want the stress of exams and marital responsibilities colliding. So my social life was almost nonexistent, social media life was almost gone too, I only had time to post during holidays or whenever I just needed a break from my books. I could not stay on the phone for too long. I did all this because I told myself I would not come back for any re-sit exams. I also needed time to pray, so I apologized to people before time because I had a target and I was not going to allow anything or anyone distract me.

I remember praying so much and also studying so much. And one day I asked myself, if I have to put in this much work to pass an exam, how much work would I need to put in to prepare for this marriage? I had read many books, I became friends with married women who have been in this marriage business for so long and I began to ask them questions. So many people go into marriage without a strategy to win, they do not see the need to prepare for marriage the way they prepare for exams and other projects. They assume love is all they need. They believe that since they are both Christians or of the same religious background everything will work out. They forget that the Devils own strategy and sole purpose in life is to kill, to steal and to destroy. 

At the early stages of my life, I used to get excited thinking about my wedding day and marriage. But when I began to think deeply about how my life was about to change, excitement turned into thoughts on how to make sure I succeed. I had a plan in place to ensure I did not fail my academic exams, and I quickly realized I also needed a plan to ensure that I do not fail at this institution called marriage. I was waking up every night before my wedding to pray and my mom and best friend joined me on most nights. I told God I did not want any accident for those who would travel for the wedding, I told God I wanted his power, his presence and his glory to be present on the wedding day, I prayed even more for the marriage and asked for grace to be better than the woman in proverbs 31, I asked for his beauty to surround me, I asked for wisdom to know when to speak and when to be quiet, and many more things I prayed about.

The odds seemed to even be against us because I am a Pentecostal pastor's daughter and my then fiancé turned husband is a serious Catholic (more like serious Christian. I usually forget he is Catholic till someone brings it up or we have to go to church). I remember people asking me what I was thinking and at some point I asked myself if I could handle this challenge. One pastor even gave us his unsolicited opinion that we are making a mistake and we just laughed. Apparently, someone he knew married from outside their denomination and the marriage was a disaster. But I knew he was talking out of ignorance because marriages have different challenges, and people from the same denomination end up divorced or with bad marriages, so that is not the real problem. Your marriage is not guaranteed success based on the fact that you both attend a Pentecostal church, or Catholic Church. The success of a marriage is derived from submitting to Gods will, putting in the work required, understanding what you are about to step into, understanding what God expects of you as a wife, mother and helpmeet.  Your husband also needs to understand what his role is as a husband, father and the leader of the home. So coming from the same church is not a yardstick for a wonderful marriage. But most of us are comfortable with what we are used to which is fine. But I personally was not going to throw away the best man I have met in my entire life and the one who God tailor made for me, just because he attends a different church. I knew my journey would be different but not unsuccessful! I chose to listen to those who were counseling, encouraging, and teaching us how to win, rather than those telling us we would fail. I focused on the beauty of what God is going to use us to do in the body of Christ showing people that you should marry a person who loves God and  not necessarily the church they attend. The church is not really the building but the people. And true Christians bear similar fruit so you may have someone in the same church as you bearing different fruits. I knew God had given us a different assignment and I was not going to run away from it just because it would be challenging or uncomfortable.

So I had to have a talk with myself. What must I do to make sure I have a successful marriage? It is wonderful to have all these degrees and excel at academic pursuits, but I also know I do not want an average marriage, I want an excellent marriage. I do not want a marriage where I have to just keep enduring, but a marriage that I enjoy. This was one of my prayer points also, God bless me with a marriage I enjoy not one I have to endure. So right after my bar final exams, I made a decision to go on a 90 days fast and I told George about it and he decided to join me, we ended up fasting for 2 months instead of 3 months but I was happy with that. We took our marriage counseling classes seriously, and we had some of the best pastors take us through the process.

We make sure we communicate as we have always done, no keeping negative emotions in and acting out at each other, and we make sure we remember our roles and do what we have to do to the glory of God. So Just like I had a strategy to help me succeed at the Bar final exams, I also told myself there is no room for failure in this marriage, so I constantly look to the word of God, I pray over my home, I cook, I clean, I go to work, I encourage my man, I try not to stay upset for too long, I believe people who stay upset for too long are like those people who leave their garbage indoors for so long and the whole place starts to stink, so forgiveness to me is like taking out the garbage and breathing in fresh air. I do whatever I have to do to make sure I win at this because God is counting on me, counting on us to make him proud and show others the way.

So far so good, I am grateful for the man God has blessed me with, and I am looking forward to making God proud and showing others that you can succeed at this whole marriage thing if you make up your mind about it and enlist God for his help and grace. What is your strategy to help you win in life? What strategy do you have in place to help you have a heaven on earth marriage? Are you willing to put in the work? Or are you just hoping things would be fine without putting in the work and sacrifice needed?

Please look forward to more write-ups from this new bee wife. Have an awesome day peeps. Loads of love from MRS OJ.

ROSE OF SHARON: HEART BREAKS NOT THE WORSE THING ...

ROSE OF SHARON:
                HEART BREAKS NOT THE WORSE THING ...:                   HEART BREAKS NOT THE WORSE THING IN THE WORLD I know you are wondering what I am thinking saying heart breaks are...

        

        HEART BREAKS NOT THE WORSE THING IN THE WORLD

I know you are wondering what I am thinking saying heart breaks are not that bad especially if you are going through one right now. The truth is while you are going through a heart break it can feel like the end of the world. But in my experience, heart breaks are good.

I remember my first heart break and how terrible I felt, but the truth is if you deal with the pain properly, you will grow past it. You must realize that if you do not deal with the pain, you are likely to end up hurting someone else. Relationships end for different reasons some of which include: cheating, lying, not knowing why you are getting into the relationship or what you want out of it, realizing you want something different or realizing your purpose for your lives do not align. There are so many reasons why people break up.

But like I said breaking off a relationship is not the end of the word. It is much better to have a broken relationship or engagement than a broken marriage. So many people stay in bad and toxic relationships hoping the person would change or improve but my advice would be leave! You really do not want to gamble when it comes to who to settle down with.

I went through a terrible breakup some years back and till tomorrow I will forever be grateful to God for that failed relationship because it led me to where I needed to be. I am one who celebrates heart breaks not because I love to see people sad, but because I know if you handle it properly, you will be on your way to finding someone much better especially if you follow Gods principles.  The truth is some people are not fortunate enough to suffer the heart break while they are still dating, they get into marriage and are stuck in a bad marriage they would have avoided if maybe they had experienced a heart break. Am I saying you need to go through a heart break to have a great marriage? The answer is NO! But I am saying you appreciate a wonderful relationship more when you have been in a bad one.

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP?

1)      If deep down inside you do not have peace of mind. This may be an indication that this relationship is not for you.

2)      If you have to keep wondering if the person loves you I believe you do not have a great relationship. Love is backed up by actions, so if someone says they love you but their actions say otherwise, please stop making excuses for them. If you go ahead, you may have to manage for the rest of your life.

3)      If there is no trust you are in trouble. If you do not trust this person, there is no point proceeding with the relationship. A good relationship needs trust.

4)      If you are always moving from one quarrel to another and there is hardly peace, you are most likely in a toxic relationship.

5)      If you are with someone who is constantly telling lies, making excuses and does not keep their word this may also be an indication that your relationship is not that great. You cannot trust a liar, you cannot build with someone who is always making excuses and someone who does not respect their own word is not honorable.

6)      If you are in a relationship where you are constantly being cheated on, lied to and the culprit always promises to change but never does, you are in a bad relationship.

7)      If you are being mentally and physically attacked you are in a bad relationship.

8)      If the relationship is not bringing out the best in you and challenging you to grow, you are not in a good relationship.

9)      If the relationship separates you from your family, friends and loved ones who have invested in you, you are most likely in a bad relationship.

10)  And the last but most powerful point I would like to add is if this so called relationship creates a partition between you and God and constantly puts you in a position where you compromise and displease God you are in a very bad relationship!

I believe that at one point or the other you have been on the receiving end or even the giving end of a bad relationship.  Below are some tips on how to get through a bad relationship and how to improve on one's self after a bad relationship.  Everyone has something to learn from a bad relationship if they take some time off to evaluate things critically and stop blaming the other person for everything that went wrong.

HOW TO GET OVER A BAD RELATIONSHIP

1)      You must remind yourself that rushing into another relationship is pointless. Most times people do this just to show their ex's that they are really hot and on high demand. But the honest truth is that if you rush into a relationship without properly evaluating why the last one ended and areas of your own character you need to work on, you are most likely going to repeat your mistakes and you would be deprived of the wisdom you should get from self-reflection. You really do not have to prove anything to your ex or to the world. Take some time to heal, reflect and grow.

2)      Learn to enjoy being single again. Singleness is not a crime. Use this time to rediscover yourself and do the things you love.

3)      Do not dwell on the hurt, do not play sad music, do not go online to read sad articles, fight to temptation to vent on social media, do not stalk your ex's page, refuse to listen to those informants who take it upon themselves to remind you that your ex now has a new partner, and do not pretend not to be hurt. Denial can become fatal.

4)      Spend time with the word of God, spend time with good and supportive friends, feel the vacuum created with good and healthy habits, and do not run to someone else for comfort, it may lead to a relationship which is not a good idea because you are still not really over your last relationship.

       

5)      Evaluate your failed relationship; think critically on the things you could not stand from that relationship. An example is my failed engagement helped me realize I would not put up with a man who does not keep his word or tells lies, I would not put up with someone who is financially reckless, I would investigate properly by asking questions and observing closely before giving my heart etc. A lot of people think they know what they want but the truth is you never really know what you want till you know what you absolutely do not want in a relationship. So if you take out time to ponder on the things you could not stand that made you so angry in that bad relationship, it would help you look out for those red lights in a potential relationship. At this point you know the areas you cannot and would not compromise.

6)      You cannot get over an ex if you keep going back to them. Shut the door and move forward, you cannot move forward if you keep looking back to see what could have, should have or may be. Fight that voice in your head that keeps saying you should go back and just manage because good guys or girls are extinct, counter that voice by saying what if you go back and miss out on the best person God has for you? Good men and women exist and God is still in the business of show casing his own just like he did Eve. Trust me I know that good and godly men exist because I asked God for the best and he hooked me up.

7)      Do not go looking for the one. Everyone may start looking like it. So just go to God directly and follow his lead, do not make a decision by yourself and then drag God into it, follow his lead instead.

8)      Do not hang around people who will keep telling you negative stories. Contrary to popular belief, excellent relationships exist, faithful men exist, men who honor God exist and the female versions also exist.

9)      Break every negative soul tie prayerfully especially if you were sexually involved with your ex. Repent and do not go back to your sin.

10)  See yourself the way God sees you. Remind yourself that you are special and that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Fight those negative thoughts and meditate on Phillipians 4:8.